I'm a Team Player

And I want to be part of your team.

Dear people of Woot, someecards, Despair.com, the Onion, and other rising Internet properties built on a foundation of sarcasm and the tears of humanity:

Hire me.

Please.

I'm serious.

My greatest wish is to be independently wealthy. But as I have no rich relatives the likelihood of that is virtually zero. So I'm will to settle for working outside of Conformist Corporate America where people won't give me funny looks every time I explain why their ideas are stupid.

I'm a real good worker. All 7... no, 8... (or was it 9...) of my previous bosses have agreed to swear to that point in a court of law.

I even have my letter of resignation written already...

Mocking Face: Ha Ha I just quit my job by disgruntled_genius

See, I will do anything to get a click...

Note: Sorry, The Onion, but you had to come off my wishlist. I just can't bring myself to attack 9 year girls.