If I Were a Black Kid* by Geraldo Rivera**

*Or adult. Rich, poor, or otherwise...
**Not really; I'm just putting words in his mouth.

Here is some advice for Black kids on how to get through life alive:

How to behave when stopped by the police in public by egogenius

Dealing with Law Enforcement
1. DON'T WEAR A HOODIE!!! Wearing a hoodie is an indication that you are up to no good. It's basically asking to be shot. Frankly, you might as well just wear a bulls-eye on your back.
2. If stopped by the police, keep a smile on your face, and always refer to the officer as "sir" or "ma'am". Do this even if you are 65 years old and the officer could be your grandchild. If you are male, the officer may refer to you as "boy". This is not an allusion to your age; it is an indication that you are not smiling hard enough.

Going Out in Public
3. People you have never met will hate you on sight. But you should never take offense at their actions or comments. You are just being too sensitive and need to lighten up some.
4. People you have never met will fear you on sight. You can make life easier for them by smiling (refer back to instructions for encounters with law enforcement) and walking hunched over with a slight limp. Also, if you see a lone white woman ahead of you as you walk down the sidewalk, go ahead and cross the street to save her the trouble.
5. When shopping, make sure to keep your hands visible at all times. Greet store personnel in a friendly manner, and walk slowly so that they can follow you easily. Also, never try on any garments in a store. Purchase them, and try them on in your own home. You can return any items that do not fit at a later date if necessary.

Keeping Close to Home
6. When doing common household chores such as mowing the yard, washing and/or maintaining you car, or walking the dog, wear clean and well-kempt clothing. Also have your drivers license, a utility bill, and your mortgage paper work ready to prove ownership of your home. When you move into a new neighborhood, make a special effort to take baked goods and casseroles around to your neighbors as a sign of your good will.
7. On a related note, be sure to own a dog, preferably a small cute one. It will be your "hall pass" on any walks or runs through the neighborhood.

Life in General
8. Your best will never be good enough. You will need to work twice as hard as your peers to be seen as even mediocre.
9. Conform. Conform. Conform. Do not stand out or try to be unique in any way. Drawing attention to yourself will never work in your favor. (See previous discussion of bulls-eyes.)
10. Life isn't fair. But you'll get used to that eventually.

Apparently choosing a career in technology means giving up any claim to femininity #nosammich

Note: For the purposes of this short blog post, I'm going to conflate gender with sex. Just go with it.

Everyday, conversations like this one probably occur all over America:

A: Does anyone know whose notepad this is?
B: Well it must belong to a girl; this is girly writing.
A: Hey <insert name of female staff member that we are going to call "C"> is this your notepad?
B: It couldn't be hers; it's girly handwriting, not DBA handwriting...
A&B laugh.
C gives them the stinkeye.

PHP Princess: Women in Open Source Web Development by disgruntled_genius

Now, class, can anyone identify the issues with this situation? Here's are a few hints:

1. What exactly is girly writing?
2. This happened at work, and involved adults all over the age of 18. And yet, an unknown, presumably female coworker is referred to as a "girl". But does anyone ever refer to a male coworker as a "boy"? Or would he be a man, a dude, or just one of the guys?
3. For the sake of argument, let us stipulate that handwriting with round, curvy lettering with or without hearts is "girly". And that girly handwriting implies or somehow signifies femininity. Exactly what part of a DBA's job description says "men only"? And what about dealing with a server everyday means that you can't have one or more feminine traits? Or in fact be a woman? Doesn't this sound like a conversation we have had before?

But to answer the original question. No, that wasn't C's notepad. But there is no reason that it couldn't have been.

Kids shouldn't have to make sammiches either #nosammich

Most of the time I use this space to focus on how society forces women to perform set constructs of femininity. This week I thought that I would do something different and look at constructs of masculinity.

Those of us who regularly travel the social justice blog circuit saw this story within days of it being posted: "There’s nothing wrong with what you like. Even if it’s different than what people think you should." But then an interesting thing happened... A week or so later it went viral, and everyone was sharing it on facebook. Well not everyone I knew, but I did see it from more people than I expected.

This isn't the first time in recent memory that such a story blew up on the Intertubes. 2010 brought us My Son is Gay, the story of a little boy who loved Scooby Doo and wanted to be Daphne for Halloween.  This is what his mom had to say to the naysayers:

If you think that me allowing my son to be a female character for Halloween is somehow going to ‘make’ him gay then you are an idiot. Firstly, what a ridiculous concept. Secondly, if my son is gay, OK. I will love him no less. Thirdly, I am not worried that your son will grow up to be an actual ninja so back off.

Editor's Note: I have been having a problem getting the original site for this quote to load so here are some additional links that tell this story:

• 5 year old boy dresses up as Daphne for Hallowe'en, other moms have gender panic
• Boy's Halloween Costume Makes National Waves

Now here is the cool thing: these are not one off occurrences of awesome. People (especially parent type people responsible for the health and well-being of little type people) all over are recognizing that children don't necessarily limit themselves to "girl stuff" or "boy stuff". There is even a book that celebrates this freedom of self-expression called My Princess Boy.

You may not agree, but I can only hope that these kids continue to receive the acceptance and support they will need as they fight becoming victims of conformity.

And what is so bad about liking shiny things in the first place?

A Giant Leap for Womankind? #nosammich

Probably not, but maybe this counts as a small step...

So the January 2012 Happy Meal toy options are I Can Be Barbie dolls for girls and Team Hot Wheels sets for boys. On the one hand, I was happy to see the commercial for these toys show a girl dreaming of becoming a doctor one day...

On the other hand, where's the commercial showing the girls who want to play with the Hot Wheels? And why do we have to refer to them as "girl" toys or "boy" toys anyway? (Ignore the pun.). Why not just call them what they are?

McDonald's Employee: Thank you for ordering the McNugget Happy Meal. Would your child like the Barbie or the Hot Wheels today?
Parent: My daughter would like the Hot Wheels toy today. Thank you.

See how easy that was? No sammich required at all.

We have no sammich but writing lessons are free #nosammich

Never let it be said that I don't offer up solutions when I point out problems...

Luckily for you, I happened to pick up a short book on improving your writing style from a charity sale a few weeks ago. One of the items Richard Andersen and Helene Hinis cover in Write It Right is removing biased language from communications. So here are some tips from the experts on how to remove gender bias from your own writing:

Do you think the fuss over sexist writing is trivial? You need to catch up to the times. Sexist language patronizes, implies second-class status, and is demeaning.

The most common problem with sexist statements is demonstrated in the following sentence construction:

Each supervisor must hand in his proposal.

Because we've been taught to choose the masculine case when pronouns include both men and women, the traditionally correct choice in this sentence construction is his. But his offends the sensibilities of people living in our age of enlightened consciousness. To substitute the word they is now considered grammatically correct, according to no less an august publication than the Oxford English Dictionary, but we would rish offening many traditional grammarians if we used they. A "supervisor" isn't a they. To satisfy both the enlightened and the traditional, consider these alternatives:

• Use the word or: Each supervisor must hand in his or her proposal.
• Use the plural form: All supervisors must hand in their proposals.
• Use the words the, a, or an: Each supervisor must hand in a proposal.
• Use the words you or your: As a supervisor, you must hand in your proposal.

Why I won't be applying for the SQL Lead position at UST Global in Addison, TX #nosammich

So my original plan for today was to talk about the projects I'm planning around the house like network expansion and building a PVR appliance. We'll have to save that for another time because what I'm going to talk about instead will be so much more interesting for all of us. Oh, and because this wasn't my original plan this is kind of free-verse. Deal with it.

Companies have you ever had that "we're working hard to promote diversity, but for some reason women won't come work here" feeling? Perhaps it's because you hired the same person to write your recruiting materials that UST Global did. Here's an excerpt from a recent job posting:

Require 7+ years experience with SQL Development. This position is for an SQL Application developer who has very good SQL analysis, monitoring, tuning skills. He will be working on multiple SQL Applications. His major responsibilities would be monitoring the SQL database application and helping the application teams to optimize.

So like any person entering offers, I start comparing my skills to the ones listed... 7+ years? Yeah, I've been doing this for that long. Analysis, monitoring, and tuning? Yeah, we're good there too. Monitoring the SQL database application and helping the application teams? Great, this is all stuff I've done before! Wait; did that say "he"? "His duties"? <Looks down at self.> Guess I'm not as qualified for this as I thought.

And don't try to play Devil's advocate and tell me that mankind is inclusive of "womankind". The active exclusion of women from technological spaces requires that companies start looking for ways to actively include them and stop tolerating even passive exclusions. So you basically have 3 options here: the grammatically incorrect "their", the awkward "he or she", or just drop the the pronouns altogether and provide the job duties as a list. Had any one of those been done, I would have quickly passed over this posting and not spent part of my evening writing a blog post (and I bet Twitter will enjoy it too) that will probably get lots of hits from people searching for "Working at UST Global". Because now they have to be wondering whether or not this company is a little sexist. And who wants to work at a place like that? I know I don't. So my Masters of Science in Computer Science with the 4.0 GPA* will just have to look elsewhere. *Informal transcripts provided at my leisure.

So companies if you want to encourage more women to join your workforce, perhaps you should stop asking them how many sammiches they can make an hour in interviews... Just a suggestion.

Reversing Gender Roles: You Make Me a Sammich by egogenius

It's 2012 and I Still Ain't Making No Sammiches #nosammich

Geeks in Pink? For Shame.*

Women in Open Source Computer Technologies by disgruntled_genius

To kick off 2012 right, I thought that I'd start with a reminder that geeks don't have to be one dimensional. Teaching girls that pink isn't the only option doesn't mean that we have to remove it from geek culture altogether. It's OK to like tech things AND girly things. Just look at what happened when scrap-booking went digital.

*Like this pinkified version of the iconic Linux mascot Tux? See more...

• Tech Gifts for “Girly Girl” Geeks & Nerds
• Need a Break After a Late Night of Development or Server Administration?

Toot Your Own Horn Thursday Returns #tootyourhorn

Tell everyone how awesome you are...

Did you do something really great this past week that you are especially proud of? Share the good news on Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, a blog, your own web site, etc. for Toot Your Own Horn Thursday.

Hard work may speak for itself, but it has a very soft voice. Self promotion isn't about bragging or being conceited. It's about keeping other informed about your incredible accomplishments. After all, why should your boss give you a raise if he or she has no idea about the great things you achieve? So make time today to shout from the digital rooftops about how cool you are.

And I'll see you again this time next week.

See, I can be inspiring every once in a while...

This is why yelling out "geek" as I walk by is probably a bad idea.

And so it was written...

The geek shall inherit the earth.

Also, it makes me cranky. And you don't want to make me cranky...

We can file this as another post on "bullying" for Bullying Awareness Month. (Or blogging: it's how I avoid doing my homework.)

So let's break this down logically. Let's imagine that for some reason, you are an adult who thinks name calling between strangers is funny. And the best one you can come up with is a comparison to some of the greatest minds of all time. So when you say I'm a geek, exactly what kind of geek am I?

• Like Marie Curie the double Nobel Prize winning geek
• Like Ada Lovelace the computer programming geek (<-- It's this one, right?)
• Like Grace Hopper another computer programming geek (<-- Or maybe this one?)
• Or Anita Borg who founded the Institute for Women and Technology so that more women would become geeks

(Bonus points to me for making this a post about women in technology and bullying simultaneously.)

Apparently, I need to remind you exactly what it is that "geeks" do. Ever think about how "geeks" are responsible for the things that make life so simple that even an idiot can live it?

1. Microwaves
2. Smart Phones
3. Anti-Lock Brakes
4. Computers
5. Calculators
6. Google
7. YouTube
8. Facebook
9. The Internet Itself...
10. Angry Birds

So do I remind you of a great inventor or one of the notable woman in technology's herstory? Or do I just intimidate you in general because I refuse to cower as you try to assert some grade school level social standing over me?

Or is "geek" really just the best you can do?

Celebrating Ada Lovelace Day & Women in Technology

The objective for October 7th was to write about a woman -- scientist, technologist, engineer, or mathematician -- who inspired you as a way to celebrate the presence of women in technological pursuits.

But I don't have a female tech (s)hero. I grew up in a pretty small town, and the only women I was exposed to then were teachers. And it wasn't until middle and high school that any of them even specialized in science or math. And then they were more focused on education rather than the science itself.

So I'm going to do something different. (I rarely do as I'm told anyway.) Instead, I'm going to tell you about the woman who nurtured my own innate interest in technology: my mom.

My mother gave me my first computer, a TRS-80, along with several Creative Computing BASIC programming books for Christmas when I was in fifth grade. It may not seem like much, but these gifts were the foundation for the problem solving and coding skills that I use today.

But I still can't find that wumpus...

So if your daughter is a little geeky and into techy stuff that you don't understand, it's ok. You should still support her in those interests. And maybe, one day she'll look back and call you her hero for supporting women in technology.

Girl Empowerment: You can be pretty and smart by egogenius

This public service announcement will now self destruct...