No you can't pet my dog; I don't know where your hands have been.

Oh how I hate to break a young girl's heart... Actually, the reason is much simpler than that. You can't touch them because they bite. Hard. And I don't want the legal headache of having a 10 pound terrier that is labelled a "dangerous animal".

What's your excuse for your child's behavior?

My kids...

And let's just stipulate here that I get to call them my "kids". I feed them, clothe them, wipe their butts, take them to the doctor when they get sick, and hold them close when they get scared. Besides, my house, my rules.

But anyway, before they came to live with me, Lily and Otis* had very different lives. Lives that made them afraid to trust people.  Lives that made them bond very quickly once they met each other. Lives that left them with overdeveloped senses of territory. So my request that you not approach and touch them is for their comfort more than anything else. Besides, I've seen what these jaws can do to bones...

*Yeah, like I'm going to tell you their real names.

I'm really friendly once I get to like you. Promise.

So, now that they get to live cushy lives with me, they have developed what some might consider an attitude problem. (Others would call it behavior issues.) So much so that they think they can set the rules of the house. This is probably the result of being spoiled rotten. (Or a lack of home training.)

Lily and Otis's Rules of the House

1. Never turn your back on us for longer than five seconds.
2. We have the right to eat anything left within our reach. In our reach means anywhere we can jump to.
3. If you make us mad, we will pee on your stuff.
4. Close your bedroom door at night unless you want a puppy in your bed.
5. We fight with tooth and nail.
6. We're the reason your bedroom stinks.
7. Mommy loves us more than you.
8. It's always playtime.
9. The word "no" isn't part of our vocabulary.
10. It was our house before you got here and will still be our house once you leave.

You don't have a problem with my attitude do you?