An open letter to all of the smokers out there:

November 17th is the Great American Smokeout, a day to encourage smokers to quit smoking and make a step toward a healthier life. But frankly, I don't care if you quit or not. You're an adult; you should do whatever you want. In fact, I'll fight with my last breath for your right to take yours. But we are going to have to set some ground rules.

I am not in the business of telling people how to live their lives (or die their deaths for that matter) as long as my own right to live my life as I wish is not affected. Once we hit that point, all bets are off. So to make sure we are all on the same page, I have created this handy list of guidelines.

• Please do not smoke in explicitly marked "no smoking" areas. Some of these areas are for the protection of the general public: hospitals and gas stations. And some are because I get to make that call: my car and home.
• Don't give me dirty looks when I walk by you holding my nose as you smoke. My lungs are sensitive; plus that stuff stinks.
• I'm also going to turn up my nose when I smell smoke on your clothes in close confines such as elevators and hallways. But don't worry, unlike cigarettes, my scorn won't kill you.
• Finally, don't bother telling me how your old Aunt Ethel smoked a pack a day and did shoots until the day she died. You aren't her. She had the constitution of a horse and the looks of one too...

So if we can agree to all that, I think we will get along just fine. Say, are you feeling OK? You look a little pale. Maybe you should make a trip to the doctor... He or she will probably want to talk about your smoking habit.