Still on Hiatus*... But Some Things Cannot Stand

Recent days have brought people out of the woodwork saying that it is "inappropriate" to publicly shame others. Leaving aside the issue of tone policing, since when? Shame is a powerful and wonderful tool when used properly. But like many tools, it is subject to misuse. And yes, I have seen some people try to use a hammer as a screwdriver…

People can/should be shamed when they fail in their moral duty. If they fail you personally, you tell them, "I'm disappointed". But when they fail society as a whole, they are held up in public as an example as what not to do (sometimes thru the actions of the legal system). And while the definition of "moral duty" can be debated, I think we can generally draw the line well before you get to shame me for my appearance. So while you can rightfully persecute me for breaking into your car and stealing your favorite CD, my clothing choices are off the table.

So to help you determine when shaming is and is not appropriate, I present a few examples. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but should provide some helpful guidelines:

• Your Business: Dude dragging a clearly incapacitated woman into a secluded area.
  Not Your Business: Woman drinking a beer after work with a group of coworkers.
• Your Business: Your weight.
  Not Your Business: My weight and how my doctor and I have chosen to address my health issues.
• Your Business: Dude taking upskirt photos.
  Not Your Business: Woman wearing a skirt, yoga pants, pajamas, or anything else she chooses.
• Your Business: Dudes making sexist/racist/ablest comments in public.
  Not Your Business: Whether I find such comments offensive and when (and how) I choose to share that offense with others.

When you have an issue with an item in "your business", shout it from the rooftops. But if you have an issue with "not your business", I'm going to need you to just STFU.

*As I am still not at 100%, you will forgive any typos, grammatical errors, etc. that do not take away from my main point. You will forgive, or you will keep your mouth shut.