Thursday, October 13, 2011

OccupyWallStreet doesn't really resonate with me.

At all.

The OccupyWallStreet movement feels disingenuous somehow. Like how everyone was so surprised about the working conditions in Amazon's product warehouses. Really, folks? It just now occurred to you how much this type of work must suck? I guess you've never thought about what happens to put that steak on your dinner plate either...

In the same way, it seems like the OWS crowd just discovered hardship. I'm not going to ask where they were when the rest of us were living in generational poverty. I'm going to be the bigger person. Scratch, I am going to ask.

Remember when times were good for you? Remember the guy at work who always sat alone and had soup for lunch? Or the strange looking woman asking for change to buy gas to get to a job interview? Or the kid in your child's homeroom class? You know, the one who dressed a little funny? Whose clothes were always clean, but a little worn and ill-fitting? And who had the weird parents? Sucks to be that person now doesn't it?

So I can see why the oldly poor might not have a lot of sympathy for the newly poor.

But I'm not bitter or anything, so I'm going to start you off with a set of tips that should help you in your new circumstances. I'll leave it to you to Google tips on how to get out of them.

How to Be Poor From Those Who Have Been There Before
  • Generic cereal: No, it doesn't taste the same, but it won't kill you either.
  • Invite some friends over and want to give them a special treat? Sliced cheese on saltines in the toaster oven.
  • Ramen in the package that you have to prepare in a separate container tastes better and is less salty than that in the cup stuff. Also, close your eyes and it tastes just like shrimp scampi. (Not really, but just pretend.)
  • When you first open the can of Vienna sausage there will be a jelly like substance across the top. Eating that is optional.
  • Bologna is the cheapest of the luncheon meats.
  • The brownie is the best part of the frozen dinner. Save that for last.
  • There is a special room in the back of the Salvation Army thrift store where they keep the "nice" clothes.
  • Finally, those people looking condescendingly at your grocery basket (you don't need to shop with a cart anymore) full of ramen, Vienna sausage, saltines, and bags of generic cereal? Yes, they are judging you.
Hopefully, these tips will make your first trip to Hardshipville an enjoyable one. And if you want to read more about this, Cracked.com has a great post on the subject: 5 Things Nobody Tells You About Being Poor. But that guy swears a lot. Seriously.

1 comment:

  1. I've always enjoyed American Cheese + tuna + toast. Good protein & great appetizer!

    ReplyDelete