If I Were a Black Kid* by Geraldo Rivera**

*Or adult. Rich, poor, or otherwise...
**Not really; I'm just putting words in his mouth.

Here is some advice for Black kids on how to get through life alive:

How to behave when stopped by the police in public by egogenius

Dealing with Law Enforcement
1. DON'T WEAR A HOODIE!!! Wearing a hoodie is an indication that you are up to no good. It's basically asking to be shot. Frankly, you might as well just wear a bulls-eye on your back.
2. If stopped by the police, keep a smile on your face, and always refer to the officer as "sir" or "ma'am". Do this even if you are 65 years old and the officer could be your grandchild. If you are male, the officer may refer to you as "boy". This is not an allusion to your age; it is an indication that you are not smiling hard enough.

Going Out in Public
3. People you have never met will hate you on sight. But you should never take offense at their actions or comments. You are just being too sensitive and need to lighten up some.
4. People you have never met will fear you on sight. You can make life easier for them by smiling (refer back to instructions for encounters with law enforcement) and walking hunched over with a slight limp. Also, if you see a lone white woman ahead of you as you walk down the sidewalk, go ahead and cross the street to save her the trouble.
5. When shopping, make sure to keep your hands visible at all times. Greet store personnel in a friendly manner, and walk slowly so that they can follow you easily. Also, never try on any garments in a store. Purchase them, and try them on in your own home. You can return any items that do not fit at a later date if necessary.

Keeping Close to Home
6. When doing common household chores such as mowing the yard, washing and/or maintaining you car, or walking the dog, wear clean and well-kempt clothing. Also have your drivers license, a utility bill, and your mortgage paper work ready to prove ownership of your home. When you move into a new neighborhood, make a special effort to take baked goods and casseroles around to your neighbors as a sign of your good will.
7. On a related note, be sure to own a dog, preferably a small cute one. It will be your "hall pass" on any walks or runs through the neighborhood.

Life in General
8. Your best will never be good enough. You will need to work twice as hard as your peers to be seen as even mediocre.
9. Conform. Conform. Conform. Do not stand out or try to be unique in any way. Drawing attention to yourself will never work in your favor. (See previous discussion of bulls-eyes.)
10. Life isn't fair. But you'll get used to that eventually.